Tuesday, December 21, 2010

still learning

I love too hard, I know I do. I love until it’s more important than…well,  more important than me.

 I love for keeps. I love until I’m too bruised to be of any use to myself.

 That is not love.  (No, I won't break car windows, or stalk anyone)

 I don’t know how to love without squeezing the life out of it. I run full force, crashing into the walls people build to protect themselves. I run until I'm tired and bruised and breathless; cry until my eyes are swollen. I don’t stop until I am too broken to not stop.

Mine is not a healthy way to love.

I find myself spent and having surrendered in the ashes. And the love I suffered over had been protected in their protective walls. They awaken to find only embers where a lover had been standing, unattended. The loss seems sudden and unfair.

So I can share the only thing I know for sure…

No one should thrash against protective glass. The only one who hears you is you.

Oh, and don’t mistake suffering for love. The suffering, that’s life.