Sunday, May 27, 2007


I had lunch and coffee with my friend and ex-partner today. We talked for hours about everything under the sun. I am happy that we have come to the point where we can be friends. It was not easy. We loved each other, that was never the problem, but that does not mean that two people are suited for each other. We were not.

During the break up, I would ask her if she thought we would be friends down the line and she gave me an absolute and resounding no. I am glad today that she was wrong. I cherish her friendship. I am proud of where she is in her life. I cheer her triumphs. It is an amazing place to be, given where we were some years ago. We were together nearly 8 years (7 years and 10 months). I could not imagine walking away from her and never having contact with her again. I could not imagine us not being able to have a conversation. I am so glad that we have gotten here.

It was not easy or instantaneous. It took years. It took time, space, and mutual respect. I am always amazed at people who have a break-up and then, in the space of a month or two, are "friends". I mean some relationships can be this way, but often you need a period of time where the person is out of your life for a little while. You need to get your bearings and be ok.

There has been enough space and time for us to get past the drama. Neither of us are romantically interested in the other. We wish each other happiness and fulfillment. I know that my ex-partner would never disrespect my relationship; she knows the same goes for me.

I was dating someone who, I felt, was playing a game with her ex (who still had feelings for her). She would never answer the questions I had about that relationship. I have enough experience to know that what we cherish, we protect. She did not seem to think my concerns deserved a real, grown-up, honest discussion. The lesson for me was that whether there was something going on or not, I deserved to be respected enough for her to sit down and have the conversation with me.

I don't want games. I want someone who is able to be real with me like I am real with them. I want someone who can call me on my shit, and expects the same of me. I want a woman, who despite any labels, knows that we are both womyn. The point of dating is to get to know someone and allow them to get to know you. This allows us to figure out if we want to continue with a more serious relationship or not. How can you start a relationship without being real about who you really are and how you feel? Even if it is new to you, if you are faced with something different and it's clear that the games are not working, why not try something different.

Now I am ready to move on. I am praying that I can find someone real. I am praying that I can find my forever love. Someone not phased by my sarcasm, and who appreciates that I have no preconceived notion of who she is. I want someone who has a big heart, who is emotionally mature. I want for someone who will stand beside me like I stand beside her. I want someone who is affectionate. I want someone who understands that I like my space sometimes. I want someone who will love me curves and all; warts and all. I want a grown-up, sexy, intelligent, funny, relaxed, honest, forgiving, healthy, beautiful love.


  1. So true about the friends. If it's going to be a real friendship, it takes time to develop again, just as the relationship did in the first place.

    She's out there. You'll find her.

    I like the new outfit on your avatar, by the way.

  2. i am certain that i will find her.

    i tried to give my avatar a nice spring look. thanks for noticing.

  3. If you want her you'll get her, don't worry.

  4. Yeah, I am working on being friends with my ex but it isn't going anywhere. Both people have to want it. I am glad you have that with her.
    You will definately find her - esp. since you've said you're ready!

  5. So it shall be written, so it shall be done. :)

  6. After nearly 8 years I'm glad you were able to salvage a friendship.

  7. enjoyed reading your post! I have no doubt you will have all you want, storm. you are so clear about could it not come your way??

  8. rd and only daughter,
    i am patient. i figure that if I am clear about what I want, I have a better chance of getting it.

    time, Time, TIME. It took about 2 years before we could even e-mail each other. But now, we spend hours together talking, eating, whatever. But, for the first 1 1/2 years after the break-up, I couldn't even say her name. Think about that. But, now, it's better. Don't force it, do what is healthy for you. ;)

    bent fabric,
    Yes, it is wonderful. I mean there is a lot of history there, not all of it bad. It's cool to be able to talk to someone about everything under the sun--we like that about each other.

    thank you. I am trying to get clarity on several things right now. I just get tired of people crossing my boundaries--believe it or not, it's hard to do (I used to think it was).
    i am still learning.

  9. I have no doubt you'll find what/who you're looking for. Knowing what you want, and don't want, will certainly help.

    What a great thing that you were able to end up such good friends with your ex.

  10. lots of time and respect on both our parts, Sassy.