Tuesday, April 24, 2007


OK, I finally finished a poem I started late last summer. I am stuck however. I cannot tell if it makes sense to anyone else so if you could help I would appreciate it. I am not trying to be cryptic at all and I do not think its genius. It is however one of the few real things that I have written in a long time. So, be honest. It does not mean that I will change it, but I need to know.



Moonless nights made longer by the memory
Of loving you strongly, surely. This troubled terrain
mocks me, pillows filled with dreams of you.

Ghosts of nights gone by ride me into day.
I am the wrong kind of tired; sleepless
for the wrong reasons; ridden the wrong way.
Glorious were the nights we slept not at all.

Restless days of news to share, without you.
Every step uneasy, this foundation is splintered now.
This pitiless ring promising the certainty of you
laughs until dawn breaks.

My heart open enough to want you happy;
Selfish enough to wish it were with me.
Here in the dark, for you, I ache.


  1. Hi Storm,
    you know I really liked that, I think everyone has that 'love lost' thing at some point... I LOVED the line of ' pillow filled with dreams of you' and fully appreciate being the wrong kind of tired.... you have a talent and such a way with words...
    (I sound like a real creep) sorry
    ciao4now xx

  2. Makes sense to me. Joy and Pain. The pain of joy lost, gone.

    Good, so very.

  3. Well, first of all I would think it's only going to really make sense to you because it came from your heart. It feels sad to me reading it but I know absolutely NOTHING about poetry. I couldn't tell you if it was excellent or if it sucks. I can only respond to how it feels to read it. And I already said that-

    Congratulations on finishing it, hopefully someone else can help you with what you're looking for.

  4. thanks all.

    het, wow, thanks it's good to know that it does make sense to someone else. why would you ever apopgize for understaning what I am saying; thank you. it is absolutely a love lost thing.

    only daughter: pain and joy lost are correct. thank you.

    r.d.,I appreciate that you took the time to respond honestly. i am ok with it not really making sense to you. sometimes poetry is like that--hit or miss. what was important was the sadness. it is important that I convey the emotion. as long as I know that the feeling comes though I can tweek the words. ;)

  5. what a beautiful poem. I most certainly can identify with what you are saying, you write wonderfully, show us more, please?

  6. It makes perfect sense to me. The words (from my perception) convey a feeling of being torn between the memories what was once there, and the sadness of what no longer is, along with wanting for the other to be happy, even when you're not.

  7. Thanks you very much Sassy. that's what i was going for.