Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I Am The Pin-Up Queen Of My Own Universe
In the film, a female photographer Bunny Yeager says there is something about Bettie. It's like she's nude but not naked. It just seems that she's comfortable with her sexuality. There was no sex in her movies or photos and compared to today's porn, hers is just fluff. The thing about her is that innocence and that openness.
I think there is a little bit of Bettie Page's spirit in me. Wait a minute, I know I am NO ONE'S idea of a Pin-Up, but if you read Last Night I Decolonized My Thighs maybe you will understand what I mean. Though, I am a bit vulgar in that post, there is a bit of unabashedness to it that I love about myself. I love being able to be myself. I enjoy being able to be open and playful. I love for my love to be receptive and safe so that I may open up even more. Within a loving, receptive relationship should there be a limit? Need there be? Yes, of course there are limits to every person's comfort level, but I hope to find the limit of mine. This part of me, however, is not very agressive. It's actually pretty shy, and though I will try to let this side show, if it is pushed away, then it's something that doesn't come back easily. And what I end up wondering is why can't I be fully ME.
What would that look like? Where would that leave me? Is there anyone out there who can handle that? Anyone who wants to? When I am happy and open, I am creative and playful, more outgoing and just better. When I feel loved for who I am it is the most awesome thing ever. If I am able to find what I love to do, should I have to hold back? It doesn't make sense. It has been a while since I tapped into my inner Bettie-- I may be more Ugly Bettie than Bettie Page, but you get my drift. What matters is being able to be who we are, being able to be freely ourselves, and being loved just as we are. The real question is what am I willing to do to be fully open?